A couple of times this week I have been invited to support women who are in situations where they feel unsupported by people with authority in their lives, unappreciated for their efforts, rejected and unseen.  They described feeling angry, sad and hopeless.  I recall similar times in my own life, unable to control outcomes that would have impact on me.  I felt betrayed and isolated.  Every woman’s journey through tough times is her own, but there are a couple of strategies that have helped me.

Ask “What is the lesson”?  I believe certain life circumstances will repeat over and over until we learn the lesson the universe is trying to teach us about ourselves.  Broken friendships that fractured for roughly the same reasons over and over again are a good example.  How is my “people-picker” functioning?  Do I find myself drawn to the same kind of people over and over again for reasons I should understand better?  Did you know that second marriages are more likely to fail than first marriages?  Could it be that I failed to understand what went wrong the first time before picking the same kind of person for a second time?  The research says “yes”!  If I find myself regularly removed from projects at work, what might I be missing about how I interact with the team?   How is my own behavior contributing to the circumstances in which I find myself?  What are the patterns in my life that I should take note of?

Sometimes the lesson can be really positive – if we choose to see it that way.  You may be angry because you found yourself in a bad situation at work which was entirely predictable.  If you “saw it coming” maybe you should congratulate yourself for that foresight!  Once upon a time I got laid off.  It was very painful, but with some time and perspective I know I saw it coming.  I chose not to face the reality that this might happen to me and so I did nothing about it - despite the warning signals.  I hope I won’t make that mistake again.  I hope I turned a very rough lesson from the past into being a better guardian of my own future.  Last time I proactively advocated for myself, it worked out better than I would have dared expect.

I have learned the best things about myself from the hardest times.  The hardest times can become the greatest gift giver of lessons that provide greater awareness of yourself and opportunities to change those patterns to create your better future.

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